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Nov. 22nd, 2015

I'm Not Helpless

Title: I'm Not Helpless
Pairing: Alexander/Angelica, HAMILTON
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not nearly as historically accurate as the musical. Sorry.

She loves him.

I think she’s loved him longer than I’ve loved him, and sometimes it seems like I’ve loved him my whole life.

But then, I’ve loved her my whole life, too, so I suppose it all fits together.

Growing up, I worshipped her with my entire being, following on her heels like a particularly annoying puppy, fixing my hair to look like hers, wearing her hand-me-downs with pride, trying (and failing) to read those annoyingly obtuse pamphlets she carried everywhere just in case she wanted to discuss them with me.

God, she must have been so irritated with me, the way I was irritated with Peggy when she came along a few years after, following me the way I’d followed Angelica. I got over it, of course. I love Peggy so much.

But not like I love Angelica. Sometimes I think she’s the other side of my heart.

Suitors were never really an issue between us. I had my crushes, she had hers, and never the twain did meet. Until that night, at the Winter’s Ball.

Angelica has always been the most intellectual of the Schuyler sisters. Everyone says so, and to be honest, I don’t disagree. I mean, I can hold a conversation. I’m not an idiot. But Angelica, well, she’s brilliant. Just in conversations with her, you can tell - how fast she makes connections, what she remembers, how unafraid she is to argue her position. To be honest, it makes some men run away, but if they can’t match her wits, they’re not a good match for her, period.

She isn’t loathe to point out a handsome profile or well-turned leg, but for Angelica, it’s always been a matter of finding a mind at work.

So when I saw her walking toward Alexander Hamilton that night, at the Ball, my heart sank to my toes. I knew enough of his reputation - and enough of my own sister’s mind - to see just how suited they were for each other intellectually. Two brilliant minds, circling and connecting, forever and always. If only I hadn’t fallen for him first.

But I, with my shy demeanor and quiet ways, had barely worked up the courage to look at him from across the room before she strode right to his side, brash as New York City in the sunlight. In an instant, I saw my hopes burn to ash, the taste bitter on my tongue. I turned, swallowing my disappointment, only to be startled when they appeared at my side. Together.

She introduced us. He looked at me. I looked at him. And she faded into the background.
I thought, for a while, that I’d misinterpreted the two of them. That she’d never really been interested in him, and was only looking out for me. Even when she joked about wanting me to share him, I laughed and shook my head. Such a tease, that sister of mine.


But once the glimmer of new love had turned to the gentle glow of marriage and children, and the stars in my eyes lifted, I could see. The way she looked at him, when he wasn’t looking. The way he looked at her, when he thought I wasn’t looking. The way their breaths hitched whenever their orbits drifted too close to each other.

It was clear as water in a still pond. She loved him. He loved her. And because they both loved me, nothing would ever come of it.

Eventually, she married, and married well. Her husband was rich, and English, and dull as dishwater. My heart ached for her, every time he pontificated and she sat quietly, biting her tongue. Don’t get me wrong, he was perfectly nice. He treated her well. .

But he didn’t see the brilliance in my sister, and around him, her spark muted.

He was busy, of course. Focused always on his business interests, his money, he was away for long stretches of time, and those were the weeks and months Angelica became almost a new member of our family. She’d come by for dinner, or go to the park with Phillip and me, or throw herself into a spirited debate with Alexander and whichever of his compatriots were over for a drink in the evening. She fit, like a puzzle piece we didn’t know was missing until it wasn’t there.

Until her husband announced that he was returning to England, and Angelica was going with him.

At first, I was horrified. How could he take her away from us? From me?

But of course, it was the way of things. A wife follows her husband, not her sister. And certainly not her sister’s husband.

We ignored it studiously as the day approached. There would be letters. She would visit, of course. Her husband did not need her every day of the year, certainly?

And then it was upon us, the eve of her departure, and her absence loomed large like a shadow rushing across the countryside.

The two of them came over for a farewell dinner, and we talked and laughed until the candles burned low. At some point her husband returned to their home, as was his habit. He was not one for staying out late. And they were leaving in the morning.

As he departed, I pleaded with Angelica to stay. “Spend the night,” I urged. “One last time. For old time’s sake.”

Hours later, we turned in for the night. Phillip was asleep, of course. I took Angelica to the guest room and ensured everything was in order. The bed was turned down, and everything she would need was waiting. We chatted about nothing as she changed into her night rail and brushed her long, beautiful hair.

It was her last night on this continent, possibly forever. She loved him. He loved her. I loved both of them.

I could not give them much, but I could give them this.

I kissed her on the cheek, told her to have a good night, and slipped out of the room. Down the hall, in his office, Alexander leaned over a sheaf of paper, scratching with his quill, his writing never as quick as his mind. I stood there for a moment, my heart bursting with love for him, until he sensed my presence and looked up.

“What is it, my love?” He narrowed his eyes in the dim lamp light. “Is everything all right?”

Not trusting my voice, I just nodded, holding a hand out towards him. He rose from his chair and placed his hand in mine. I led him down the hall to the guest room.

Alexander looked at me quizzically when I knocked quietly on the door. At her muffled “come in”, I opened it and drew him inside.

His sharp intake of breath upon seeing her figure silhouetted in the candle glow, the night rail almost transparent, told me I had the right of it. Angelica rushed to cover herself with the counterpane, but I shook my head. Reaching out, I took her hand in mine. His hand in my left, hers in my right, both of them staring at each other, breaths growing more rapid and more shallow.

I tugged Alexander forward, and he stumbled a little as he approached the bed. They were close enough now for me to join their hands together. I stepped away.

They both looked at me, questions in their eyes. I smiled softly. “I’ll leave you to it,” I said, and slipped back out of the room.

I love him. I love her. They love each other, and she’s leaving in the morning.

He will be here, home, at the end of the day. That will be enough.
Tags: ,

Oct. 22nd, 2011

Where in the World?

visited 12 states (5.33%)

Eh, not very many locations. I just scored a lot of red because Canada is so BIG. 

Note to self: travel more.

Create your own visited map of The World or jurisdische veraling duits?

Jan. 9th, 2011

Fic - Pandora

Title: Pandora

Recipient: </a></font></b></a>[info]geekchick1013
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Deniz/Roman
Summary: Sometimes scary things come in small packages
Rating: adult
Word Count: 2700
Author's Notes: Many thanks to [info]notoriouslyuniq for the last-minute beta!

Although probably 99% of my flist read this during Hofest, I thought I'd migrate it over here as well. Enjoy!


Pandora )

Nov. 29th, 2010

ESS interview begins today!

I think many of you already saw the announcement on Twitter, but my interview with Eric Sheffer Stevens went live this morning. Today we discuss the creative process and how writing and acting are similar. 

Also, sucking.

Stop by and take a peek if you're so inclined! 

Nov. 7th, 2010

Music Meme!

1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List 5 songs you love that begin with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

Thanks to [info]omarandjohnny, who gave me the letter P "for Parrish!"

Ahahahah! Songs that start with the letter P? Oh noes I am doomed. Doomed, I tell you! 

Erm. *opens iTunes account, sorts songs by title*

Okay, in no particular order:

1. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by Clayhill and/or The Smiths
2. Push It by Salt and Pepa
3. Praise You by Fatboy Slim
4. People are Strange by The Doors
5. Principles of Lust by Enigma

Nov. 2nd, 2010

Happy Belated, Lisabea!

It's still your birthday in Hawaii. And since you were there recently, this post is on island time. (That works, right?)

Hope your day was spectacular and all things wonderful!  *mwah*

Oct. 22nd, 2010

Happy Birthday Aldi!

Birthday pressie is in progress. Will be forthcoming. In the meantime, have a picture of me falling off a mechanical bull.


Oct. 12th, 2010


Operation Doctor Cake

Happy Birthday Amilee! I'm clearly not responsible for this excellent cake, but it did make me think of you. Hope your birthday week abroad continues to be full of everything fabulous. *hugs*

Sep. 20th, 2010


So I was filling out a cover art request form a few days ago for the new book. On it, they ask for character descriptions, identifying characteristics, items of interes/plot/etc that could be used to create the cover. And since I wrote the damn thing nine years ago, I couldn't really remember anything along those lines, so I had to go back and re-read the first few chapters to refresh my memory. (LOL, what is my life?)

Anywho. I got to a descrip of the heroine, and read "auburn hair, green eyes, looks younger than she is". So of course, I immediately think of:
(Not quite sure if her eyes are green, but I like her looks anyway, so she got picked. LOL)

And the hero? "Dark blond hair, piercing blue eyes, angular features, slim build." Which, of course, reminds me of:

So I attached their pictures and sent it in. Don't know if I'll get anything remotely close to that (I'm guessing dark hair, brown eyes, and a mullet), but it was a hoot to realize I could use those pics, and hadn't even planned it that way!

Sep. 17th, 2010

Things that are Uncool

1. One of the staff writers for ATWT announcing, the day before the final episode, that she planned to write a Nuke "epilogue" with/for the fans.
Really? REALLY? Can you not see the conflict of interest in doing this? Like it or not, you're considered an "official" source for the show. And the location planned for that epilogue - the official Procter and Gamble blog - lends it even more weight. What would essentially be your fanfic would get the "stamp of approval" and give the Nukies bragging rights forever and ever, amen. And it would be rubbing salt in the wounds of the LuRe fans who are already bitter over the gratuitious killing of one of their favorite characters.

2. LuRe and Nuke fans getting into a flame war over her twitter account. On the day the last episode aired.
I know emotions are running high, but the poor woman just watched the end of a decade-plus-long job, and the friendships and memories developed through it. Bitching and moaning about the epilogue idea - and each other - was bad form. I disagreed with her idea, but didn't think she'd done it maliciously. And to yell at her about doing it - or telling her to ignore the bitter haters and do it anyway - wasn't nice. 

I get it, I really do. Both fandoms were left with scraps at the end of the day. Luke is still grieving Reid's death on the last show; there's no mention of Noah at all. But Noah's still alive, so despite the utter lack of "romance" in yesterday's episode (unless you're searching for it with a magnifying glass and tweezers) the diehard Nukies can hold out hope for a future together down the line. And LuRe fans can believe that nothing will ever happen between Noah and Luke again except for friendship. 

Cold comfort for both. But I hate the idea of someone "official" taking sides after the show itself went to such extremes to, well, not. 

Really, bottom line is, the ending sucked. The fans were screwed over. Nothing more we can do about it. So let's just move on, shall we? Everyone? I don't have the time or energy for this shit anymore.

Sep. 14th, 2010

Happy Birthday Alsha!

Because you can never have enough free Bounty (tm) bars...

Happy birthday!

Sep. 13th, 2010

Ten Things I Learned From The End Of ATWT

You guys! I'm so proud of myself! I managed to write up a commentary on the ending of ATWT for my author blog WITHOUT USING ANY PROFANITY.

It was a struggle, I tell you.

Anyway, if you're interested, here it is:

Sep. 10th, 2010

Four Birthday Drabbles

So. Uhm. I've missed a LOT of birthdays this summer. 


I blame my children. (Because really, why have children if you can't blame them for stuff?)

Anywho, I apologize to everyone whose birthday was not properly recognized. And in the spirit of a belated birthday greeting, I come bearing gifties. Feel free to claim any or all, birthday girls and boys!

Title: Sleep
Author: Kate (</a></font></b></a>[info]ktbob)
Fandom & Characters:  AWZ, Deniz/Roman
Word Count: 100 words
Rating/Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.  

Author: Kate (</a></font></a>[info]ktbob)
Fandom & Characters:  AWZ, Deniz/Roman
Word Count: 100 words
Rating/Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.  

Author: Kate (</a></font></a>[info]ktbob)
Fandom & Characters:  AWZ, Deniz/Roman, Flo
Word Count: 100 words
Rating/Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

Author: Kate (</a></font></a>[info]ktbob)
Fandom & Characters: AWZ, Deniz/Roman 
Word Count: 100 words
Rating/Warnings: Smut.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.  

Sep. 9th, 2010

Still pissed about ATWT, but...

Wheee! Just got my first homophobic "this is disgusting!" comment on one of my videos! 

I'm so proud.

Sep. 8th, 2010

Seriously, ATWT? Seriously?? FUCK. YOU.

So the only thing I was holding on to during the entire build up to the Worst Ending of a Soap Storyline, EVERRRR, was the belief that Luke and Reid would get a fantastic goodbye episode or three. You know, drag out Reid's inevitable passing while they rocked the bedside farewells.

Sep. 1st, 2010

Ranty Rant Ahead

Warning: I'm gonna go off on the rumored ending for the Luke/Reid/Noah storyline on ATWT. So if you're avoiding end-of-show spoilers, you might want to skip this for the time being. I'm sure my ranting will still be relevant on September 17 when the show ends.

So, yeah. Remember that big middle finger I gave ABC and OLTL after the end of the Kish storyline? I'm sharing it with you, now, Goutman, Passanante, ATWT, CBS and P&G. You've earned it.

Oh, and sorry for ranting so early - I probably should have waited until it actually happened to vent, but it's been building up for a long time now and I had to get it out. Thanks for reading, if you manage to get all the way through!


Title: Prepared
Author: Kate ([info]ktbob)
Fandom & Characters: As the World Turns, Luke Snyder/Reid Oliver 
Summary: The docblocking was getting ridiculous. So Luke decided to take matters into his own hands.
Word Count: 1700 words
Rating/Warnings: NC-17; phone sex, sexting
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. If I did, Noah would be gone, Luke and Reid would be going at it like bunnies, and the ending to the show would be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
A/N: Based on a pick-a-prompt from far too long ago at LuRe_ATWT: "Luke and Reid have phone sex/texting."

Aug. 31st, 2010

Whee! Done!

Yay! I have finished the second annual edition of my On Couches tribute, and it's now up on YouTube! Thank goodness the PTB at ATWT saw fit to let Luke and Reid snog on a couch before they devolve into the utterly ridiculous and offensive ending to the storyline and show that's coming down the pike. I still haven't forgiven RTD for keeping Jack and Ianto couch-free. Hmph.

Many thanks to [info]notoriouslyuniq and [info]klutzerina for the suggestions/video clips. You rock!

Hope you enjoy!

Aug. 21st, 2010

Doctors Without Borders Fund Drive

So, you may have seen me rant about the rumored ending of ATWT, which is quickly approaching. Suffice to say the fandom is NOT amused. But instead of just bitching and moaning about the idiots in control (and hell yes, they're total idiots), a group of fans has decided to turn their anger into something productive.

They asked Eric Sheffer Stevens for suggestions of where they could donate in his honor. (Some ideas had been brain research foundations or something else medically related, because his character is a brain surgeon.) ESS suggested Doctors Without Borders, especially since they're focusing on the situation in Pakistan right now.

The group set up a fundraising page on Thursday night. As of right now, Saturday night in my time zone, they've raised over $5600.

I'm a little gobsmacked by this, because the LuRe fandom is pretty damn small, and has only been around for a few months. Even more awesome, one of the first to donate was Eric himself, taking the opportunity to thank everyone for their generosity.

Class act, that boy.

Anywho, if you're a fan of Eric, or Doctors Without Borders for that matter, the link to donate is here.

Couch Question

Hey, all.

I'm swamped with work and writing and family stuff and just finished painting a damn house (which turned out really cute, but I'm still flaking sage green paint everywhere), so of COURSE I got a bug in my ear about making another couch video.

I've got clips from Hollyoaks, ATWT, and OLTL, and can find some from AWZ easily enough, but I'd like to include some other soaps/movies if I can. So if you watch/are familiar with other fandoms and know of couch scenes that would work, please let me know!

Here's the first version, if you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about:

Thanks muchly!

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